As we take a moment to look back at our relaxing and enjoyable week on Big Island, I am left with several thoughts:
1) Why do I always get a pat down and a groping from the TSA whenever passing through airport security? EVERY time I get scanned, I turn around and see two big red squares on the screen where my balls should be. I know you may think this feeds my ego as the scanner detects steel and other metals, but this really just slows down the line. I wonder if TSA precheck will exempt me from the upper inner thigh check I receive as part of my vacation package.
2) You’re nothing on the islands unless you drive a Toyota Tacoma with a minimum of a 3″ body lift.
3) The Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk is potentially the worst vehicle I’ve ever driven, and that’s saying a lot coming from a previous owner of a 1978 Plymouth Volare’. When going up a slight incline with cruise control on, it can’t even keep speed. It won’t downshift to a more powerful gear, and you have to floor it to get back up to the cruise speed. I needed 90% throttle to keep 35 MPH speed up an 18% grade going up a mountain. I thought the newer Dodge Dart was the worst rental I’ve ever had, but this thing takes the cake.
4) Mauna Loa last erupted on March 25, 1984, nearly destroying the city of Hilo. 34 years earlier in 1950, it also erupted, destroying the village of Hoʻokena-mauka. Following this pattern of 34 years, it could erupt again on Sunday. I sure hope getting out of the car twice on Mauna Loa to take a whiz behind the car door didn’t anger the volcano Gods too much!
5) The best food is ALWAYS at the rundown looking food stands. Bonus points for having the Department of Health ahead of you in line… because he is hungry.
6) You won’t hit a deer on a road in Hawaii, but goats, donkeys, mongoose, and the elderly are all fair game.
Mahalo (thanks) for joining us on our journey! 🤙🤙🤙